i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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