You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
