I have demons in me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
