I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
