you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
