Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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