absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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