I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
