Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
