He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
