were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize
