i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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