you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
