I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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