I hate all girls vehemently.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Come see our sink grown plant.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
