Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
