grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
