No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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