I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
