I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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