I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
