remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
