Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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