Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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