she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As shirtless as possible
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
