this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So vagazzling was a success
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
