is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
