I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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