never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
