dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
