I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
