she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Randomize
