If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
