So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
