We're facebook friends in real life
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I could make wine with my vomit
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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