Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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