So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
