in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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