Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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