does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
