I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my shit smells like andre
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Randomize
