Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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