Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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