well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
