I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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