I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
