9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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