it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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