dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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