yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
