I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
