I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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